Vimos 2018 ∙ Sjampanje enige iemand? ∙ Champagne anyone?

**English version below the Afrikaans version** 

Dis weer Vimos-dag, ‘n dag ingestel deur Riana Jeffery om die ongelooflike voorreg om vriende te hê te vier. Lees meer oor wat hierdie dag beteken en hoe dit ontstaan het by Vriende & Vonkelwyn • VIMOS • Friends & Champagne. Dis my derde jaar wat ek deel is daarvan (Vimos-dag 2017) om hierdie spesiale tradisie voort te dra, en ek besef elke keer met nuwe waardering hoe besonders dit is en hoe gelukkig ek is om omring te wees met mense wat vriendskap net so belangrik soos ek ag. Hoe nodig dit is, om een dag in die jaar net dankie te sê en hoe dan anders, as met ‘n glasie vonkelwyn? ‘n Goeie vriendin van my vertel nogal dat mens jou plig en verantwoordelikheid as vriend(in) ernstig moet opneem, dis nie ‘n reg nie, maar ‘n seën.

Liewe leser.

Iemand wys het eenkeer gesê: “Why we need best friends: Because they laugh at the same stupid things we do. Because they give us honest advice. Because they will be there for us, even if they’re thousands of miles away. Because they celebrate with us when we’re at our best, but still love us at our worst.” Ek weet nie wie dit gesê het nie, iemand cool het dit net met my gedeel. En ek dink dit is baie waar, alhoewel dit nie eers die helfte van die magic vasvang nie. Die magic van sjampanje drink in ‘n ander land omdat julle julle vriende se verlowing wil vier, die magic van onvoorwaardelike omgee en lag en onbeplande aande. Die magic van vining inval vir ‘n koppie koffie of daai ekstra Aardklop opvoering of ekstra sny koek. Die magic van altyd, maar ALTYD ‘n ondersteuningsnetwerk het wat bereid is om jou te vang en te dra, wanneer jy sukkel om dit op jou eie reg te kry.

Met dié dat ek die lang lys van dinge wat moet gedoen word afskeep om hierdie te skryf, sit en dink ek ‘n bietjie oor vriendskap en die laaste jaar. Hoe ons almal strewe na ‘n blommende sosiale lewe, want vriendskap is een van die mees rewarding goed in die wêreld. Ek dink aan ou vriende, nuwe vriende, huidige vriende – presies soos wat Vimos-dag dit betaam. Selfs al loop nie al die vriendskappe altyd soos wat ons sou wou hê dit moet nie, glo ek elke verhouding was daar vir ‘n rede. Ek dink nie ons mag dit ooit na die tyd die betekenis wat dit op daardie oomblik gehad het, ontneem nie, selfs al wil ons hoe graag vir onsself laat glo dat ‘n vriendskap nie baie beteken het nie omdat ons seer gekry het. Op ‘n tyd was hulle vir jou belangrik en dis genoeg om hulle te eer daarvoor. Moet nooit spyt wees oor iets wat eens op ‘n tyd goed was vir jou hart nie.  Identifiseer die lesse, waardeer hulle en lag steeds oor al die goeie tye.

Ek is vandag besonders dankbaar vir vriende wat al langpaaie stap saam met my en ook nuwe vriende. Ek is dankbaar vir die vriende saam met wie ek soms net om ‘n vuur kan sit en alle lyne kan vergeet en net myself wees, maar ook vir die saam met wie ek kan mooi aantrek en in fancy plekke wyn drink. Ek dink nie sekere tipe vriendskappe is beter of meer waardevol as ander nie, ek dink elke tipe vriendskap het ‘n rol om te speel en mens moet dit waardeer vir daardie rede.

Ek het nie besef hoe moeilik dit gaan wees om met al die vriende van mens se kinderdae kontak te hou wanneer almal in hulle eie rigtings in neuk nie, maar sommiges maak dit maklik. Sommiges bly 200km weg, tog voel dit of julle mekaar heeltyd sien. Hierdie mense ken jou beter as wat jy jouself ken en maak elke bietjie frustrasie rondom skedules korreleer die moeite werd. Dis daardie plek waar al jou filters verdwyn en die pyn op jou maag van al die lag jou uitasem het. Dis die skouers wat al meer moes dra as wat jy geweet het moontlik is. Die gunstelinge op jou foon se oproepe. Dis nodig. Ek weet baie mense wil net wegkom van hulle verlede af, maar ek dink tog as jy ‘n plek het wat nog soos huis voel sodra jy in hulle teenwoordigheid is ongeag die ligging, moet jy dit nooit laat gaan nie. Ongeag waar julle opeindig. Hierdie is die mense wat jou siel gaan uittrek op jou troudag, die mense wat jou gaan optel wanneer ander mense jou as te veel sien, die mense wat jou in die aande troos en die een-te-veel glas wyn aanbeveel, die mense wat regtig familie is. Jou hartsmense. Ek het grootgeword met die volgende twee aanhalings aan twee verskillende kante van my familie: “Ek is gelukkig, want my familie is my vriende,” en “Ek ag vriendskap baie belangriker as familie; ek is wel geseënd dat van my familie my vriende ook is.” Die teendeel is natuurlik meer gereeld die geval, waar jou vriende jou familie is. Jou Kersfees-tafel, jou optel, jou hartkenners.

Nuwe vriende. Die mense wat ‘n inkopie-trip laat voel soos ‘n avontuur op sy eie. Die wat die vryheid wat Universiteit bied saam met jou ten volle geniet en in middernagtelike ure roomys gaan eet. Dis die mense wat saam met jou kan sit en kerm oor die nuwe uitdagings en wat jou nou ken op ‘n manier wat niemand anders jou ooit gaan ken nie. Die mense wat byname het vir al jou crushes en wat almal se storie ken nog voordat hulle hulle ontmoet. Die mense wat voel asof jy hulle al vir ewig ken, al is dit net ‘n paar weke. Dis angswekkend om te dink dat ons almal ook begin om uitmekaar te spat regoor die wêreld. Maar dis ook cool, om te weet ongeag waar julle julleself bevind, julle eens op ‘n tyd die beste tyd van jou lewe saam met hulle gehad het. Waarvan van hulle gaan bly vir ete.

Ek (en my ma) het ‘n paar van ons hartsmense gevra oor hulle persepsie van vriende of die lesse wat hulle al geleer het. Ek dink ons kan altyd leer by ander of net weer herinner word van iets wat ons reeds vergeet het. Een van my gunstelinge was: “Daar is niks so mooi en so eerlik soos ‘n vriendin met ‘n kras bek en ‘n bottel wyn nie.” En presies dit. Jy kan dit mooi toedraai met fyner woorde soos “Hartsvriende gee perspektief” en “Goeie vriende sê hardop wat jy nie eintlik wil hoor nie”, maar dis tog waarop dit neerkom. Ek dink ook dis nogal belangrik om as vriende te kan praat oor dinge. Oor goed waaroor julle nie saamstem nie of oor dinge wat jou seermaak, dit wys dat beide die vriendskap waardig genoeg ag om dit nie weg te gooi vir sommer enige rede nie en mekaar respekteer. Jy moet jou vriende sorgvuldig kies, want jou vriende word jy en jy word jou vriende.

Ek het in die laaste jaar weer besef hoe besonders geseënd ek is. Ek weet nie wat sou ek sonder my vriende doen nie. Heel moontlik minder wyn drink, maar wie wil dit nou in elk geval doen? Dus wil ek hê jy moet weet, dat ek jou waardeer. Ongeag vir watse rol jy in my lewe het of gehad het of gaan hê. Vir die lesse. Vir die lag. Vir die lewe die moeite werd maak.

Op vriende; verlede, hede en toekoms.

Gelukkige Vimos-dag!

Lindie xx

 

 

***English version*** (with help from Stephnie)

It is Vimos-day again, a day dedicated by Riana to celebrate the privilege of having friends – and what an absolute privilege it is. To read more about the history and meaning of Vimos-day go to Vriende & Vonkelwyn • VIMOS • Friends & Champagne. This year is my third year (Vimos-dag 2017) to join in on the tradition and hopefully keep it going for many years to come. And with every passing year, I again realise how special it is and how lucky I am to be surrounded by people who prioritises friendship just as much as I try to. How necessary it is, to take a day and just thank the people in your life, and what better way than to do it with a glass of champagne? A good friend of mine coincidentally reminded me today that you should take your responsibility of being a friend very seriously, as it is not a right at all, but a blessing.

Dear reader.

Someone wise once said: “Why we need best friends: Because they laugh at the same stupid things we do. Because they give us honest advice. Because they will be there for us, even if they’re thousands of miles away. Because they celebrate with us when we’re at our best, but still love us at our worst.” I don’t know who said it, someone cool just shared it with me. Point is, I totally agree with the statement, even though it doesn’t really capture even half of the magic that really lies in friendship. The magic of celebrating friends’ engagement with others in another country when you get the news, the magic of unconditional care and laughing and unplanned nights. The magic of quickly stopping by for a coffee or that extra show at a festival or that extra slice of cake. The magic of always, ALWAYS having a support network who is there to catch you and carry you, when you struggle to do it on your own.

While procrastinating on actual work to write this, I’ve had quite a few thoughts on friendship and how much I have once again learned over the past year.  It is cool how most of us strive towards having a busy social life, as friendship is one of the most rewarding things you can find in life. Today, I think of old friends, new friends and current friends – exactly as Vimos-day was intended. Even if all our friendships don’t always g(r)o(w) the way we want them to, I firmly believe that all relationships happen for a reason. I don’t think we should ever take the meaning it had in that moment away, even if we want to believe that it did not mean a lot because we got hurt. At some point in time they were important to you and you should appreciate them for it. Never regret something that was once good for your heart. Identify the lessons, appreciate it, and keep on laughing and cherishing the good times.

Today I am especially thankful for the friends that stuck with me through the years, and also to all my new friends. I am thankful for the friends with whom I can sit next to a fire and forget all the boundaries and just be myself, but also for the friends I can dress-up with and drink wine at fancy places. I don’t think some types of friendships are better or has more value than others, I truly believe that every type of friendship has a role to play, and you should appreciate it for that reason.

I didn’t realise how hard it would be to stay in touch with the friends from childhood, but some of them makes it easy. Even when they live 200kms away, it feels like you see them all the time. These people know you better than you know yourself and they make every bit of the frustration that comes from trying to correlate busy schedules worthwhile. It is with them that all your filters disappear and you get a stomach ache from all the constant laughter. It is these shoulders that has had to carry more than you thought was possible. The favourites on your contact list. This is necessary. I know that a lot of people want to leave their past behind, but I think if you still have a place that feels like home when you are with them, no matter where you are, you should never let it go. Is doesn’t matter where you end up. These are the people that will torture you with embarrassing stories on your wedding day, who will pick you up when others see you as being too much, the people who will comfort you in the dark and recommend that one-too-many glass of wine, the people who became family. The guardians of your heart. I grew up with the following two sayings on different sides of my family: “I am lucky, because my family are my friends,” and “I think friendship is more important than family; I am however blessed because some of my family are my friends as well.” The opposite is often more generally found, in which it is your friends that are your family. Your Christmas-dinner, your pick-up, your soul mates.

New friends. The people that transform a shopping trip into an adventure. Those who enjoy the freedom that University provides you with and who goes out at midnight just for ice-cream. These are the people that will sit and moan with you about the new challenges that comes with adulting, and who knows you in a way that no-one else ever will. The people who has nicknames for all your crushes and who knows everyone’s story before they meet them. It feels as if you have known them your whole life, even if it has only been a few weeks. It is shocking to think that we are also already going our separate ways. It is cool to know that no matter where you find yourself, at some time you had the best time of your life with these people. Some of which have become lifelong friends.

My mom and I asked a few of our close friends about their perception of friendship or the lessons they have learnt. I think that we can always learn from others, or just be reminded about some things that we have already forgotten. One of my favourites were: “There is nothing as beautiful and honest as a friend with a sailor’s mouth and a bottle of wine”. You can wrap it up with nicer words like: “Good friends give perspective” and “Good friends say the things that you don’t really want to hear”, but it comes down to the same thing. I also love that friends can talk about things. Things that they don’t agree about or things that hurt you, it shows that both of them appreciate the friendship enough to savour it instead of throwing it away over just anything. It shows a mutual respect. You also have to choose your friends carefully, as with time, your friends become you and you become your friends.

In the past year I have once again realised how lucky I am. I don’t know what I would’ve done without my friends. Most probably drink less wine, but who would want to do that? Therefore, I want you to know that I appreciate you. No matter what role you have, had or will have in my life. For the lessons. For the laughter. For making life worth living.

To friends; past, present and future.

Happy Vimos-day!

Lindie xx

 

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